it feels so scary getting #old

I am officially older than my mom was when she married my dad

Apr 15, 2025

I am officially older than my mom was when she married my dad. I’m 24 years old, everyone has gone cold and I have no guidance. My mom, beautiful, kind and smart, has never once in her life experienced being a single girl in her mid-ish twenties. By my age, mom was married and living in a house she owned. I’m not married and also living in a house that she owns. In a way, this birthday felt like my first real dip into adulthood, because I’ve out-adulted my mom. In fact, I think I’m the only woman in my maternal and paternal lineage to be unmarried at 24. This leaves me with no one to ask questions to. My mom doesn’t know what Hinge is, she’s mortified at the idea of casual hookups (I am too). If I explained the word situationship to her I think she would throw up. I’ve been thrown to the lions and the only playbook for survival I have was written by Lena Dunham.

I always pride myself on my independence within friendships. I’m fairly low maintenance, I don’t expect daily texts or to see you three days out of the week. Until those early April nights hit, when the air smells like high school and I wish I could see my best friend without scheduling six months in advance. Life prepares you for a slew of rejections, your first love cheating, not getting that dream internship, but you’re never ready for the loss of close friendships. Even my bible, Sex and the City led me to believe that girlfriends would be around whenever I needed them. Instead of Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte I’m left feeling like I’m chasing Mr. Big most of the time.

There is an unfamiliar lack of closeness you experience in your twenties. It’s coupled with a generational shift from community and serving others to doing what’s best for yourself. While there’s some merit to self-care, it can reach a point of self-isolation wherein you ultimately drive people away from you. My twenties have been some of the coldest times in my life when it comes to friendships. Late-night drives have become something you have to pencil into your planner, and sitting on a patch of grass in the sun requires a day booked off of work. And I don’t necessarily think it has to be this way. The loss of closeness came with the loss of party culture and a shift toward social conservatism. There are no more dance floor make outs after the age of 21 and in turn, I have to go on picnics alone. There’s a sort of forced adulthood people my age are putting onto themselves and I find it dishonest and inhuman. We are young, we don’t have to prioritize professional lives over our experiences every. single. time. I mean, how many more parties can you skip before we turn 35?

All this is me saying I don’t want to go into this period of my life completely alone. I’m terrified of this uncharted territory. With every new dramatic retelling of a life event, the less my mom has to say about it. I wish more than anything to go through this with my close friends, to spend evenings rehashing romantic mishaps over wine instead of sending cordial check-in texts to people I’ve known for seven years once a month.

I was lying face down on the massage table last week, and my masseuse — a very cool 39-year-old mother— told me I’m about to enter the best decade of my life. Coming of age in the early 2000s, she described to me nights of partying and clubbing until 3 a.m., and I had to break the news to her that in 2025, anything over 23 is considered geriatric. Between gasps of utter disappointment, my masseuse/therapist/life coach told me to make the most of it where I could. She commended my Scotland trip and told me how she wished she could have travelled more before starting a family. Looking forward, I think I’ll follow her advice. I’m older than my mother was when she married my father, but I’m certainly not envious of that fact. What I am jealous of is the tight-knit friendships and youth that people in their twenties had 15, 20, 30 years ago. If there’s one thing I can beg the person reading this to do, it’s please go out when your best friend asks you to.

For this stack, I’ve got a short playlist that I’ll probably add more to as time goes on. I’ve included the few songs I’ve had on rotation while coming up with this idea.